Sleepwalker
by JohnniEvans
Summary: Severus Snape relfects on his life with Lily Evans through a recurring nightmare. Written for the Adam Lambert Songfic Competition.


_**Sleepwalker**_

_"Severus... Severus... Come and find me, Severus...Severus..."_

Severus knew he was dreaming.

It was the same dream, always the same dream. He could recite every detail of it during his waking hours. He'd lived through it a thousand times before.

Even in the dream, his eyes were sealed tight.

_"Severus... Where are you Severus? Come and find me, Severus... Come and find me..."_

He cringed at the voice. He knew it well, though this was an ethereal mockery of it... but it was a voice that haunted him day and night, bleeding through his thoughts and making his reality a living nightmare...

Was this a nightmare? He pondered on the thought for a moment, still determinedly keeping his eyes closed as he prayed to be awoken... He couldn't say. Weren't nightmares supposed to be frightful, frocked with demons and monsters he couldn't slay? There was none of that here...

Just loneliness.

_"Severus... I'm so alone Severus... come find me..."_

Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking as he adjusted to the dim surroundings. He found that he was laying on the stone floor, his head cradled against a pile of soft fabric, laced with an entirely intoxicating perfume... floral somehow, with the warmth of vanilla. Gingerly, he rolled himself onto his elbows, his hair falling into a curtain around his face as his eyes searched the floor, finally finding his makeshift pillow. He moved himself to his knees, then reached forward, delicately taking the fabric into his hands. As he lifted it, it seemed to unwind, cascading down into one long strip, striped with gold and burgundy... a scarf.

Her scarf.

His heart racing, he buried his face once more into the fabric, breathing it all in, breathing her in... capturing her scent for his memories to never forget. He shut his eyes tight, as the emptiness swept through him yet again..._ this is just a dream... this is just a dream..._

_"Where are you Severus? I'm so alone..."_

He sat for a moment longer thinking to himself, _ just get through it... you just have to get through the dream..., _before daring himself to open his eyes.

He found that his surroundings had changed entirely. The scarf had vanished from his hands and no longer did he lay upon the cold stone; now he found himself standing in what seemed to be an endless hallway. He squinted, trying to find the end of it, but could see nothing ahead of him but darkness. A trick of the dream, he figured. There appeared to be absolutely nothing in the hallway... not a table, nor a shelf... not even a doorway adorning the walls. Nothing to fill the space but his own dread... and _her_ voice.

_"You're so close... come and find me... please come find me... I'm so alone..."_

He swallowed his fear, knowing what was coming only too soon... _This is just a dream... just a dream..._ He shook himself, trying to gain some sense of composure as he began his stride forward into the darkness. Time passed as time does in dreams... every step taking what felt like an eternity... around him he heard the distant sound of rainfall, if he concentrated, he thought he could almost smell the rain, though he didn't know how... there were no windows...

But suddenly, there were. he watched as the walls twisted and melted , dripping into shimmering glass windows before him. He glanced out the window nearest to him, his hands hesitantly reaching forward to press against the glass. It sent a chill through him, his brow furrowing as he took in the sight before him...

The rain fell hard, violently pelting the glass, but through the water streaks, a familiar scene played out before him. He saw a streaking figure of a ginger haired girl fly past the window, and heard the one voice he knew better than his own..

"_You Can't catch me Sev! You can't cat-"_ the rest of the sentence broke off in a high pitch shriek as the girl was suddenly tackled to the ground.

_" You know I'm faster than you Lil," _he recognized his own baritone, and saw the ghost of his younger self pinning the young Lily Evans to the rain-soaked grass, "_You couldn't out run me if you tried!"_

_ "Get off me!" _she laughed, halfheartedly shoving him.

_"Make me,"_ the younger Severus taunted. The real Severus Snape mouthed every word, remembering the scene with precise detail.

The young Lily Evans reached back and splashed the boy with the rain that had pooled around them, laughing as she wiggled free and ran away.

"_You can't hide," _ young Severus shouted as he ran after her, running to the edge of the memory and fading away into nothing.

"You can't hide," Snape repeated, softly, "I'll always know where to find you...always..." he finished sadly, turning reluctantly away from the window. He forced himself to press onward, determined not to look through the rest of the windows that held his memories hostage for his pain.

Every step he took brought him past yet another window. Though he did not look, every one he passed filled the hallway with an echo... the echo of her laughter ringing out like bells, of her soprano voice, the way she said his name when she whispered him her secrets... the echoes of promises that couldn't be kept..._ "We'll be friends forever, Sev. Always."_... the echoes of him crying out for her, knowing she was gone... _"Lily! Lily! Oh God... what have I done?"..._ the echoes of his lonely tears, falling into bitter silence...

Everything felt like it was becoming too much for him... all of his memories scattered in his path, haunting his every step. Knowing that _she _ was his everything... all he had ever wanted... but she had never wanted him. And for that, he had destroyed her. He had destroyed himself.

Unable to take the voices any longer, he began to run. He ran and ran, pushing past the cruel images that swirled past him. He threw his hands over his ears to block out her voice as he continued running. He ran for ages, defying the limitations that reality would have otherwise created, due to the nature of the dream; and he did not stop until suddenly, a door appeared before him. The door had not always been there -of this he was sure- but rather, seemed to have blossomed from the floor beneath. As he stopped, he looked over his shoulder, noting that the endless hallway had seemingly disappeared, he now stood in a small, entryway sized room, in which there was nothing else but the door. He turned back to face it, glaring it down as though it were a loathsome villain, rather than just a wooden gateway. His jaw was set, his posture rigid, for he knew he had reached the end. Freedom was just through the doorway, though it filled him with an unmitigated apprehension knowing what he was about to face.

Once more, he closed his eyes tight, and he reached forward to grasp the knob..._ this is just a dream... this is just a dream... nothing is real... this is just a dream._

He threw open the door to find himself in yet another small room. There was no distinguishable source of light, which was hardly notable, as the room was incredibly dim. There was nothing in the room, but for an elaborate mirror, which stood proudly in the center.

"_Severus... come closer Severus... I'm so alone..."_

He stepped towards the mirror, haltingly, afraid of what he might find in his reflection. The mirror was framed in an antique gold, tarnished and dusty as though it had never been tended to. The top of the mirror had some type of lettering across the top, but he couldn't read it. Latin, perhaps? He wasn't sure... not that it really mattered, he supposed.

"_Severus? Where are you Severus...? Where are you?"_

The ethereal voice seemed to whisper out from the mirror itself, compelling Severus to look into the glass... He had no reflection, he realized. How strange...

_"Severus?... Where are you Severus? I'm so alone..."_

"I'm here," he whispered, "I'm right here..."

The glass of the mirror suddenly shimmered, sparkling as it's glassy surface warped, liquefying into an iridescent pool onto the floor. Out from the pool rose the figure of a woman. She wasn't a ghost, not truly at least... but there was nothing solid about her. She was more like a cruel shadow, a sick veil of a true human. Her ginger hair framed her heart-shaped face like a wreath of fire, pouring across her long body with a frightening beauty. Gently, she moved her hair away from her face, revealing a pair of impossibly large emerald eyes. She blinked as though she were trying to bring herself to reality, looking at her hands, touching her face, as though she couldn't believe that she was real... and finally she caught sight of the man staring at her.

"Severus?" she whispered.

"Lily," he breathed, standing frozen in place, not daring himself to move towards her. She wasn't real... he could see that, she was far more bewitching and terrible than the real Lily Evans had been. But she sounded like her, looked like her... she was beautiful.

"Where are we Severus? I'm... I'm so _cold..._" Her voice echoed, hollow and sad. She sounded so lost...

"Lily, I'm so sorry," he whispered, " I'm so sorry... god, I'm so sorry..."

"I'm so _cold_," she repeated, not giving any sign that she could actually hear him, "I'm so cold Sev... why am I so cold?"

"Lily, I-"

"_Hold me,"_ she whispered, her voice growing thinner, fading back into the shadows. She was almost gone, Severus knew... the dream was almost over... and his heart was breaking.

" I _can't,_" Severus' voice broke, as he stared into Lily's empty emerald eyes.

"_Please Severus... please... just hold me," _she begged him, softly, tears pouring from her emerald eyes, dripping like diamonds onto the floor, "_I'm so cold... just hold me... please just hold me."_

"I can't Lily... I can't, " he nearly sobbed, as he watched her cry.. he couldn't take it anymore... his heart was shattering with every breath he took.

_"Please hold me... I'm so alone, Severus...so cold and alone..."_

Her desperate pleas finally broke him, he ran towards her, capturing her in his protective arms. But the moment he touched her, her body erupted into ferocious emerald flames, tearing her apart bit by bit, searing her flesh away. He backed off in a panic, unable to do anything but watch as she was consumed by the fire, and listening as she screamed, her ethereal voice ripping through his mind in horrid, ghostly wails.

For just a moment, everything seemed to freeze in time, as his obsidian eyes locked once more with her sparkling emeralds.

"_Severus... please..." _

And then she was gone... it would have been as if she had never existed if it weren't for the burning scent of flowers and vanilla...

Severus fell to his knees, tears pouring from his eyes, his hands clawing through his long black hair... _why did this always have to happen?_ All he had ever wanted was to be with her...

She was all he had ever wanted.

But she hadn't wanted him...

And for that, he had destroyed her. And for that he had destroyed himself...

_"Please," _he whispered into the silence, "_Let me out of this dream."_

* * *

**_A/N _**

**_Hello my lovelies! This work was written for ThroughTheDarkComesALight 's Adam Lambert Songfic Competition. It is based on the song "Sleepwalker" by Adam Lambert, of course! (It's a really lovely song, for those of you who haven't heard it... give it a listen!)_**

**_Hoping you enjoy it! (Still working on Control Room, should have Chapter 12 up soon!)_**

**_Love, Love,_**

**_Johnni Evans_**


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